While perusing Twitter recently, I came upon a thread by the well-known science-fiction author Cory Doctorow (who, among many other things, posts images of amazing science-fiction/space-age artwork). That thread introduced me to the 5GBioShield, which uses “proprietary quantum holographic nano-layer catalyst technology” to provide “remediation from all harmful radiation, electro-smog, and biohazard pollution.” The device performs “balance and harmonization of the harmful effects of imbalanced electric radiation.” The maker’s website further advises that the “nano-layer operating diameter is either 8 or 40 meters.” Yep, that’s what it says.
Apparently, the town council of Glastonbury, UK had set up a 5G Advisory Committee to investigate the safety of 5G technology. According to Pen Test Partners, who provides penetration testing and security services, the Committee’s final report (p. 31) recommended the 5GBioShield, saying that “we use this device and find it helpful.” Unfortunately, the report doesn’t detail how it’s helpful.
Unable to restrain themselves from examining such an amazing device, Pen Test Partners picked up three 5GBioShield devices and undertook a teardown of what, from external appearances, seems to be nothing more than a USB memory stick.
Well, guess what? The 5GBioShield is a USB memory stick that provides a whopping 128 MB of memory, in addition to its “quantum holographic nano-layer catalyst technology”—all for the bargain price of £283 for one and £795 for three. Now, there was what appeared to be an ordinary circular black sticker on the device’s housing. That must be what does all of the shielding and harmonization. I guess.
Meanwhile, I coincidentally stumbled across another link to something called the Vortex BioShield. It turns out that these folks are direct competitors of the 5GBioShield, but with radically different technology involving… quartz crystals. I don’t quite know how a teardown could be performed on one of those.
For grins, we posted a few spoof tech articles for April Fool’s Day. We had some fun with those, but now I’m thinking we missed a monetization opportunity. Anyone for artificial-stupidity technology?