This article is part of the 2022 April 1st series in the Humor topic within our Series Library.
One of the issues faced by the electronic product development community is the need for advanced power-amplification solutions, especially in the area of audio. Audio amplification is a major part of our personal electronics landscape, as aside from vision, audible information is arguably the next most important information input mode.
Amplification solutions based on legacy electronics confront multiple issues, among them power consumption, thermal waste, and physical mass. These factors, and others, contribute to the bulk, heat, and battery life of audio power-amplification systems. Furthermore, the extra circuitry needed for amplification adds to the bill of materials and product package ergonomics.
The EKAF
Recently German-based Narrin Enterprises unveiled a novel and revolutionary product called the Emetic Kinetic Amplitude Focuser, or EKAF. Presented as a scalable and flexible solution that eliminates the need for electronics in the audio-amplification stage of any product, the EKAF is a linear component that’s available in a variety of gauges and lengths.
According to the Founder and CEO of Narrin, Eno Lirpa, the cable-like solution is based on a materials breakthrough he had in his garage workshop. “The EKAF ‘cable’ uses strings of solidified phlogiston dielectric woven together like microscopic bundles of camper’s lanyards. Stretching, bending, and coiling the cable changes the flow of electrons through it by squeezing them really, really hard in various ways.”
Mr Lirpa continued, “When you tie the cable in knots, you change resistance; when you braid it, you increase capacitance; and when you coil it in loops, you get amplification! You can also stretch it for attenuation, but then you need a clamp to hold it in its extended position. It doesn’t consume any power to operate because it taps into the universal well of zero-point energy.
“You see, we couldn’t find Phlogiston in the past because it evaporates so readily that no previous technology could detect it. As tenuous as Phlogiston is, it’s actually a more condensed version of the even more ethereal medium that carries RF signals and light.
“My discovery captures and compresses the Luminiferous Ether into microscopic chains of solidified Phlogiston, which we then feed to genetically modified spiders to weave into threads large enough for me to wind into EKAF cable. I then clad it in my proprietary Interocitor Packaging, or IP, and it’s ready to use.”
Current Status
Narrin Enterprises didn’t have any samples to show at the time of this report, but we’ve been assured that we will be the first to get the finished prototypes.
The company also claims that its working on a version for military and aerospace radar applications. However, it can’t yet solve the issue of standing in front of a high-power microwave emitter to bend the cable into the desired shape. We’ve also been promised a list of development partners to contact, too, but it hasn’t yet arrived. Nonetheless, if this novel technology can be commercialized, it could potentially disrupt the entire electronics industry.
Read more articles in the 2022 April 1st series in the Humor topic within our Series Library.